Communication Skills for Resolving Conflicts through Collaboration

Communication Skills for Resolving Conflicts through Collaboration

One person usually initiates a conflict, and the other person responds to it. Whether you initiate or respond to conflict, you can practice collaboration by using specific communication skills and verbal strategies. In this section, we will consider how to initiate conflict and how to respond to conflicts initiated by others.

Initiating Conflict Appropriately

Many people avoid conflict because they do not know how to initiate a conflict conversation effectively. The following guidelines (as well as those for responding to conflict in the next section) are based on work from several fields of study (Adler 1977; Gordon 1970; Whet ten & Cameron, 1998) and will help you initiate conflict in a way that reduces defensiveness and invites collaboration.

1. State ownership of the apparent problem. If you are trying to study for a test in your most difficult course and the person next door is playing her stereo so

loud that your walls are shaking and you can’t concentrate, it is important to acknowledge that you are the one who is angry, hurt, or frustrated. Thus to resolve your problem, you decide to confront your neighbor. You show ownership if you say something like, “Hi, I’m having a problem that I need your help with. I’m trying to study for a midterm in my most difficult class

2. Describe the potential conflict in terms of the behavior you observe, the consequences, and your feelings about it. The behavior, consequences, and feelings framework means that when a behavior happens, consequences result, and.you feel a certain way (Gordon 1971). It is important to include all three of these steps for the other person to fully understand the issue. This framework requires you to describe for the other person what you see or hear, what happens to you as a result, and what feeling you experience. This approach use; the skills of owning feelings, describing behavior, and describing feelings-all skills that we discussed earlier.

In the. example of the loud stereo, you might follow up on the opening by saying; (B) “When I hear your stereo, (C) I get distracted and can’t concentrate, which makes it even harder for me to study, (F) and then I get frustrated and- annoyed.

Let’s review this. The loudness of the stereo is the behavior (B) you observe that has consequences. I get distracted and can’t concentrate, which makes it even harder for me to ‘study are the consequences (C) that result from this behavior. I get frustrated and annoyed are the feelings (F) that you experience.

3. Avoid letting the other person change the subject. When you approached your neighbor about the stereo, suppose she said, “Oh come on, everyone plays their stereos in this neighborhood. Don’t let yourself get into about “everybody.’ Get back to the point by understand it’s a noisy neighborhood and loud music normally doesn’t bother me. But I’m having a problem right now, and I hoping you could help me.” . Rejoice how gets the focus back on the problem that you are having.

4. Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground. Once you have heck cloudburst suggest your solution. Your solution is more likely to be accepted if you can tie it to a shared value, common interest, or shared constraint. In our example, you might say, “I think we both have had times when even little things get in the way of our being able to study. So even though I realize I’m asking you for a special favor, I hope you can help me out by turning down your stereo while I’m grinding through this material.” In short, the better you are at initiating conflict appropriately, the more likely you will get a beneficial outcome.

5 Think through what you will say before you confront the other person, so the of your request will be brief and precise. Perhaps the greatest problem most of us have with initiating conflict is that we have good intentions of keeping on track but our emotions get the best of us and either we say things we shouldn’t or we go on and on and annoy the other person.

Before You go charging over to your neighbor’s room., think yourself, I basing to say?” Take a minute to practice. Say to yourself,problem and then follow the f formula. Then prat: ice l few statements until you think ice can it when your neighbor come’ to the door

Responding to Conflict Effectively

It is more difficult to respond effectively to a potential conflict than to initiate one because it is easy to become defensive if the person does not initiate the conflict effectively. If the initiator phrases the problem appropriately, “I’m having a problem that I need your help with,” most likely you would say something like, “I’m sorry, I know what you mean. I didn’t even think that my stereo might be bother anyone. Here, I’ll turn it down.” With this response, the is immediately resolved.

But not all initiators will understand the problem, behavior, consequences feelings approach to initiating conflict, and you may well face a situation that will require great skill.

1. Disengage. rut your emotional “shields up. when the Enterprise is about to be attacked or bus just been upon, Star that the Captain shouts, Shields up” With its shields in place, the hip is somewhat protected from enemy fire, and the Captain and crew are  problem solve

We also need to learn to mentally put our shields up when someone becomes overly aggressive in initiating a conflict. Placing an emotional barrier between us gives us rime to disengage emotionally so we can retain our problem-solving ability. So, put those shields up and while you are “counting to ten,” think of how to turn this into a problem-solving session.

2. Listen to nonverbal cues as well as to the verbal message.Just as in every other kind of interpersonal communication, listening is fundamental to resolving conflict. As Allan Bar sky (2000, p. 77) points out, “you must not only listen, but ensure that the other parties know that you are listening and understanding them.” But your listening must involve awareness of nonverbal cues as well as verbal messages, for as Berger argued (1994), failure to fortuitous the nonverbal communication is to “doom oneself to • t study the tip of a very large iceberg” (p. 493).

Infant, Racer, and Jordan (1996) found that the people they studied recognized that behaviors such as smiling, pleasant facial expression, relaxed body posture, and a warm and sincere voice are more likely to keep conflict from occurring or from escalating hath a teleprocessing face, grinding teeth, stern/staring eyes, clenched fists, and a loud voice (p. 322). Let’s say, however, that you are faced with the conflict initiator who says to you, “Turn down that damn radio. Even an idiot would realize that playing it at top volume is likely to tee off someone who is trying to study. In addition to the harsh words, you are also likely to see and hear several affirming nonverbal behaviors.

earning from Conflict-Management failures

Ideally, you want to resolve conflicts as they occur. Nevertheless, there will be times when no matter how hard both persons try, they will not be able to resolve the conflict.

things go wrong?” “Did one or more of us become evaluative?” Did 1 use a style that was inappropriate to the situation?” Did we fail to implement the problem solving method adequately?” Were the vested interests in the outcome too great?” Am I failing co use such basic communication skills as paraphrasing, describing feelings, and perception checking?” Did I fall back on what Turk and Monacan (1999, p. 232) label ‘repetitive non-optimal behaviors’ verbal abuse, ‘dishonest replies, or sarcasm automatically when I became angry?” By taking time to analyze your behavior, you put yourself in a better position to act more successfully in the next conflict episode you experience. Conflict is inevitable you can count on having opportunities to use this knowledge again.

Conversation and Analysis

Use your Communicate! CD-ROM to access a video scenario of the following
conversation. Click on the “Communicate! In Action” feature, and then click
on “Jan and Ken. As you watch Jan and Ken’s conversation, focus on how
the nature of their relationship influences their interaction.

1. What does each person do to help maintain the relationship?

2. How does each person handle this conflict?

3. How well does each person listen t-o the other?

4. Are Jan and Ken appropriately assertive?

5. Notice how well each provides feedback and describes feelings?

We have provided a transcript of  and Ken’s conversation. After you have viewed the conversation on your CD-ROM, read the transcript. In the right-hand column there is space for you’re record your analysis. You can also complete your analysis electronically using the Conversational Analysis feature included in Communicate!In Action. From ‘the Conversation Menu on your CD-ROM, click “Analysis” for Jan and Ken. Type your answers to the questions above in the forms provided. Then you are finish: crick “Submit” to compare your response to the analysis provided :authors.

Conversation

Ken: Jan, we need to talk. Why’d you tell Shannon about what happened between Katie and me? Now Shannon doesn’t want to talk to me.

Jan: (silence for a moment as she realizes he knows) Ken, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell her. t just kind of slipped out often we were talking.

Ken: Sorry? Sorry is not enough. I told you that in private and you promised that you’d keep it just between you and me.

Jan: Ken, I told her that long before the two of you started daring, You know, Shibboleth and I, we’ve been friends for a long time. We were just talking about guys and cheating and stuff. It Wasn’t about guys specifically,

Ken: It wasn’t about me? It was totally about me. You had no right to tell anyone that, under any circumstances Now Shannon doesn’t trust me. She thinks I’m a lowlife that sleeps around.

Jan: Well, I’m sorry, but the two of you weren’t even dating, yet

Ken: Oh, that’s irrelevant. You know it would be irrelevant even if Shannon and I weren’t dating. But you know, the point is I thought I could trust you and tell you anything and that it would go no-further.

Jan: Yeah, like the time I told you I was thinking about dropping out of school for a semester and you just happened to tell my dad?

Ken: Ah, that’s not the same thing.

Jan: YO’l kn~w what. it’s exactly the sane. j trusted you and squealed  big time. should have never known I was thinking about that. I trusted you, and you betrayed me

Ken: Well look, I was just trying to look out for you. I knew you were making a big mistake and I was’just trying to stop you. And besides, you know I was right! (gets discouraged) Don’t change the subject, here. Are you saying that you telling Shannon is some sort of payback for me telling your dad?

Jan: No, I’m just trying to point out that you’ve got no right to throw stones?

Ken: You know what? Then maybe neither of us can trust the other. Maybe we just shouldn’t tell each other anything that we don’t want broadcast to the world, huh?

Jan: Don’t be such a jerk. I’m sorry, OK?

Ken: Well, that’s not good enough. You ruined any chance I had with her.

Jan: Are you saying that something I said about what you did a long time ago is ruining your chances?

Ken: Yeah, it might.

Jan: Ken, if she truly valued your friendship, something that you did a long time ago shouldn’t matter.

Ken: Well, maybe you’re right.

Jan: Look, I said I’m sorry and I meant it. I’m also sorry about, you. know, throwing in what you told my dad. I know that wasn’t fair, but you know, you really hurt my feelings when you blew up at me like that.

.Ken: Listen, listen, I shouldn’t have, I ‘shouldn’t have told your dad. I should , have probably encouraged you to talk to him. friends?

Summary Communicating in Relationships  

Interpersonal communication helps develop and maintain relationships. A good relationship is any mutually satisfying interaction with another person. We have three types of relationships. Acquaintances are people we know by name and talk with, but with whom our interactions are limited in quality and quantity. Friendships arc marked by degrees of warmth and affection, trust, self-disclosure, commitment, and expectation that the relationship will endure. Close or intimate friends are those with whom we share our deepest feelings,  spend a lot of time, or mark the relationship in some special way. The life cycle of a relationship includes starting or building, stabilizing, and ending. In the starting or building stage, people strike up a conversation, keep conversations going, and move to more intimate levels. People nurture relationships through the skills of describing, openness; tentativeness, and equality. Many ‘it.

relationships end. We may terminate them in inter personally sound  or in ways that destroy our chances to continue the relationship on any meaningful level. The Johanna window is a cool for examining the ratio of openness to doggedness in a relationship. Many people develop relationships on the Internet through coatrooms and email. Electronically mediated relationships may be subject to anonymity and  dishonesty. Addiction to the Internet can disrupt relationships. Two theories are especially useful for explaining the dynamics of relationships. Schultz sees relationships in terms of the ability to meet the interpersonal needs of affection, inclusion, and control. Toshiba and Kelley see relationships as exchanges: People evaluate relationships through a reward/cost analysis, weighing energy, time, and money invested against satisfaction gained . A primary factor leading to termination of a relationship is failure to manage conflict successfully. We cope with conflicts in a variety of ways: withdrawing, accommodating, forcing, compromising, and collaborating. When we are concord about the When you have a problem with a person, initiate the conflict using basic communication skills. Own the problem; describe the basis of the conflict in terms of behavior, consequences, and feelings plan what you will say ahead of time; avoid evaluating the other person’s motives; and phrase your request so that it focuses on common ground. When responding to another person’s problem, watch for nonverbal cues, puty shields up, respond emphatically with genuine interest and concern, paraphrase your understanding of the problem, seek common ground, and ask the per so to suggest alternatives.

Finally, learn from conflict-management failures.

Role of Electronic Communication in Building Relationships

Role of Electronic Communication in Building Relationships

New communication technologies are changing the way we build and maintain relationships. Ten years ago people became acquainted mostly with those with whom they had personal- physical contact. At the same time, dating services advertised that they could get people in the same community acquainted with each other within a Welch. Today, people are able to make acquaintances with  people around the world within seconds

From Internet to In-Person Relationships

In face-to-face-relationships, trust is our it over time. We meet a person and then begin interacting. As a result of the behavior we encounter, we then make decisions about trust. For instance, we loan a book and consider when and if it is returned; we make a date and consider whether and how often the person is on time; we tell the person something that is personal and consider whether that person keeps the information to him- or herself 0; communicates it to others. Through such experiences, we determine whether or not we can trust the person and thus whether or not we want to move toward a more intimate relations

In EM relationships, making a trust evaluation is more difficult. Some of he media through which relationships are developed are very opaque. That is, we lose most of the spontaneity and most of the information normally available through nonverbal channels. As a result, our capacity to judge the accuracy of t”‘e trustworthiness of the behavior of another is limited

The Dark Side of Electronically Mediated Relationships

Despite its appeal, using EM communication to form relationships has led to several unethical practices.

Abuse of anonymity

One unethical practice for Internet-based relationships is the common practice of assuming a fictitious online persona. A serious question
for Internet relationships is, “What kind of a relationship can be forged when , users are not honest about who they are?” This practice removes both accountability and responsibility. Without these, sound relationships are not possible. Kramer and Kramer (1997) assert that women have the most to lose from fictitious identity usage (p. 236).

Addiction

third potential problem for children and adults alike is technological addictions, defined as non chemical (behavioral) addictions that involve human-machine interaction (Griffiths, 1998, p. 62). The seductiveness of Communicating electronically can result in the disruption of ongoing interpersonal relationships. One extreme example was reported in a recent Cincinnati Enquirer article (“Angry Wife,” 1999). It appears that a wife became angry

because her husband was on the Internet at 2:05 a.m. He had been online until 4 a.m. the previous day “chatting” with women. In an act of desperation, anger, jealousy, and frustration, this wife tried to cut the power cords on the computer before attacking it with the meat cleaver. She pleaded no contest to domestic violence and resisting arrest and was fined two hundred dollars.

Theoretical Perspectives on Relationships

What determines whether or not we will try to build a relationship with another person? Why do some relationships never move beyond a certain level or begin to deteriorate? Two theories-interpersonal needs theory and exchange theory provide answers to these questions.

Conflict
When two people have an honest relationship, it is inevitable that there will be rimes when one person’s attempt to satisfy his or her own needs will conflict with the other person’s desires, When this happens, the partners experience Interpersonal conflict is the result of a situation wherein the needs or ideas of one person are at odds or in opposition to the needs or ideas of another. In these conflict situations, participants have choices about how they act and how

Although” many people view conflict as bad (and, to be sure, conflict situations. are likely to make us anxious and uneasy), conflict is often useful in confronting and resolving honest differences. In this section, we will look at five styles of managing conflict and then suggest specific communication strategies that can be used to initiate and respond to conflict effectively.

Styles of. Managing Conflict

When faced with conflict, people can withdraw, accommodate, force, compromise, or collaborate

Accommodating Accommodating

Accommodating is giving in to the other’s needs while ignoring your own. For instance, Juan would like to spend his vacation alone with
Mariana, but when she says I think it would be fun to have Sarah and Paul come with us, don’t you?” Juan replies, “OK, whatever you want. Considered from an individual satisfaction standpoint, accommodation is a win-lose situation. The person who accommodates loses and allows the other person to win.

From a relational satisfaction standpoint, habitual accommodation has two problems. First, conflicts resolved through accommodation may lead to poor decision making because important facts, arguments, and positions are not voiced. Second, from an exchange theory perspective, habitual accommodation -results in the accommodation’s consistently receiving less. Eventually this can result in the accommodation’s seeking more balanced exchange relationships. Habitually accommodating is a problem, but when the issue really isn’t that important but the relationship is, it is appropriator and effective to for instance, whether to have chicken or fish for dinner may be unimportant to you, but if your in-laws prefer fish. you may accommodate them, Moreover, it should, be noted that accommodating is a preferred style of dealing with conflict in some cultures. In Japanese culture, for instance, it is thought to be more humble and face-saving to accommodate than to risk losing respect through conflict

Forcing Forcing is demanding through physical treats, verbal attacks, coercion, or manipulation that your needs be satisfied or your ideas be accepted. The phrase “might makes right” captures the forcing style. • Considered from an individual satisfaction standpoint, forcing is win-lose. Nonperformance their way with little regard to the cost borne by others. From a relational satisfaction standpoint, forcing rarely improves and usually hurts a relationship. Because of this, forcing is only appropriate when the issue is very important and the relationship is not and in emergencies when quick and derisive action must be taken to ensure safety or minimize harm.

Compromising

Compromising occurs when both people make sacrifices to find common ground, attempting to resolve the conflict by providing at least some satisfaction for both parties. Under this approach, both people give up some part of what they really want or believe, or they trade one thing they want to get something else.

From a personal satisfaction standpoint, compromising creates a lose-lose situation because both parties in one sense lose” even as they win.” Although compromising is a popular style, there are significant problems associated with it. One of special concern is that the quality of a decision is affected if one of the parties “trades away a better solution” to effect the compromise. Compromising is appropriate when the relationship is important, the issues have no simple solution, and both people have a strong interest in some parts of the issue.  relational satisfaction standpoint, compromise does not damage long-term relationships because both parties gain some satisfaction.

Collaborating

Collaborating is problem solving by addressing the needs and issues. of each. party to arrive at a solution that is mutually satisfying. During
collaboration, people discuss the issues and their feelings about the’ issues and identify the characteristics that are important for them to find in a solution. Thus from an individual satisfaction standpoint, collaboration is win because the conflict is resolved to the satisfaction of all.

From a relational satisfaction standpoint, collaboration is positive because bot sides feel that they have been heard. They get to share ideas and weigh and consider information. Whatever the solution, it is a truly collaborative effort. In effect, collaboration proves to be the most appropriate and the most effective means of managing conflict. In the Spotlight on Scholars that follows, we can see-how the res-arch of Daniel Canary has validated the importance of both appropriateness and effectiveness in conflict management

kc solving conflict through collaborative discussion requires a problem-solving approach, Let’s go back and Eduardo’s conflict ever the sixty dollars Eduardo was supposed to pay back to Susanna for her failure to recognize his problems. So, how do they collaborate? In general, the collaborative approach includes five parts: (1) defining the problem, (2) analyzing the problem (what are its causes and symptoms), (3) developing mutually acceptable criteria for judging solutions (what goals do we want to achieve), (4) suggesting possible solutions (what could we do), and (5) selecting the best solution. Sometimes not all the steps are needed.

For instance, after Justin points out her parents’ need for the money Eduardo quietly explains that he also owes some money on his credit card bill so he ran’t pay her folks immediately. As they discuss this, Justin sees that because the credit card interest is so high Eduardo needs to payoff the credit card debt as quickly as possible so that he has money to pay her folks. After more discussion, Eduardo suggests that while he is paying the credit card debt he could come up with some money each month for her folks. Justin suggests ten dollars a month until the debt is paid. Eduardo agrees that he could handle that.

Communicating in Relationships

Communicating in Relationships 

Janeen, you’re spending a lot of time with Angie. Whet is Liam going to think about that?

“Come on, Mom, I know you’re just teasing me. Yeah, Liam is my boyfriend, and we get along really wen, but there a things I just can’t talk about with him.And you can with Angie?

Right. I can tell her what’s going on with my writing, for example, and she really understands. And I do the sane for her. We enjoy a lot of the same activities, so Angie is good company for me

Janeen is lucky because she has two close relation~hips. Interpersonal skills are instrumental in starting, building, and maintaining relationships, and in this chapter we discuss relationships and their dynamics. A good relationship is comprised of mutually satisfying interactions with another person .

In this chapter, we begin by identifying three types of relationships, explain the stages or cycle that typical relationships flow through, look at online relationships, and examine two theories of why relationships develop. Then we examine conflict and explain how to use the conflict process to strengthen relationships.

Types of Relationships

We behave differently depending on whether our relationships are personal or impersonal (La Fullerton,, 1996, p. 4). Moving on a continuum from impersonal to personal, we generally classify the people with whom we have relationships as acquaintances, friends, and close friends or intimates.

Acquaintances

Acquaintances are people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises but with whom our interactions are largely impersonal. We become acquainted with those who live near us, are part of our religious community, or perform services for us. Many acquaintance relationships grow out of a particular context. Thus Jim, an accountant, has been preparing Sung Lee’s taxes for three

Friends

Friends are people with whom we have negotiated more personal relationships v voluntarily (Patterson, Betting, & Tussaud, 1993, p. 145). In the early stages of friendships, people move toward interactions that are less role bound. That is, Jim and Sung Lee may decide to get together for lunch. If they find that they enjoy each other’s company, they may eventually become friends.

What we look for in our friends

As we seek out people as friends, we are drawn toward people we find attractive, who have good social skills, who are responsive to us, and who have similar interests, attitudes, values, and personalities

Relationships may also develop when there are dissimilarities ill personality. The saying “opposites attract” is as accurate as “birds of a feather flock together. Stated theoretically, relationships depend on mutual need fulfillment, so people can be attract to those who are different from them but who fulfill

their needs, Thus, opposites attract when the differences between the people are seen as complementary

What we expect from our friends

Although people may be drawn to each other for many reasons, a variety of research shows that maintaining a real friendship is marked by a high degree of positiveness, assurance, openness, networking, and task sharing Guerrero & Andersen, Stafford & Canary,

Positiveness. Friends spend time with each other because they reap positive benefits in doing so. They enjoy each other’s company, they
enjoy talking with each other, and they enjoy sharing experiences.

Assurance Friends trust “each other. They risk putting their well-being in the hands of another because they trust the other not to intentionally harm their interests

Openness. Friends share personal feelings with each other.

Networking. Friends show a high level of commitment not only to each other but to each other’s friends and family. They are likely to sacrifice their time and energy to engage in activities with family and friends of friends

Close Friends or Intimates

Close friends or intimates are those with whom we share our deepest feelings. People may have countless acquaintances and many friends, but they are likely to have only a few truly intimate friends.

Close friends or intimates differ from regular friends mostly in degree of commitment, trust, disclosure, and enjoyment in their relationship. For instance, although friends engage in some self disclosure, they are not likely to share the secrets of their lives intimate friends often gain knowledge of the innermost being of their partner

Communication in the Stages of Relationships

Even though no two relationships develop in exactly the same manner, most relationships move through identifiable stages following a life cycle” that includes starting or building, stability, and deterioration Whether a relationship moves to the next stage depends on how partners interact.

Starting or Building Relationships
Fun dam: to scatting or building a relationship IS uncertainty reduction. the for informational We get information about others passively by observing their behavior, actively by asking ether for information, and interactively by conversing with them directly. The three communication activities we engage in to start and build relationships are striking up conversation, keeping conversation going, and moving toward intimacy.

Striking up a Conversation

What happens in the first few minutes of a conversation will have a profound effect on the nature of the relationship that develops. As the old saying goes, you seldom get a second chance to create a first impression: Although thinking up “getting to know you” lines is easy for some, many people become nearly tongue-tied when they want to meet someone and, as a result, make a bad first impression. There are several approaches to starting conversations. Most involve asking questions. A cheerful answer to you question suggest in continuing. Refusal to answer or a curt

reply may mean that the person is not really interested in talking with you at this time.

1. Formally or informally introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is Gordon. What’s yours?”

2. Refer to the physical context. This is awful weather for a game, isn’t it? “I wonder how they are able to keep such a beautiful garden in this r climate?

3. Refer to your thoughts or feelings. “I really like parries, don’t you?” I live on this floor too-do these steps bother you as much as they do me? and Doesn’t it seem stuffy in Here?

4. Refer to tire other person. Marge seems to be an excellent hostess-have you known her long?” “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of seeing you before-do you work in marketing?

Keeping the: conversation going

Once two people have begun an interaction, they are likely to engage in “small talk” such as information exchange and gossip, conversation that meets social needs with relatively low amounts of risk . .In idea-exchange communication, people share information that contains facts, opinions, and beliefs that occasionally reflect values. At the office, Dan may ask Walt about last night’s sports scores. Or, on a more serious level, Bonita may talk with Ken about the upcoming election. Although the discussions of elections are “d~per” than conversations about sports, both sets of conversations represent idea-exchanges. This type of communication is important in the early stages of a relationship because through it you learn what the ‘other person is thinking, reassess your attraction level, and decide whether or .not you want the relationship to grow.

Gossip, relating information whose accuracy may be unknown about copier you both know, is one of the most common forms of interpersonal communication. Egging and observe, “Every day a considerable amount of time for millions of people is consumed Lv gossip and as such it is a powerful socializing

On one hand, got provides an easy way to talk with people without sharing much information about yourself. Statements such as “Do you know Bill? I hear he has a really great job” and “Would you believe that Mary Simmons and Tom Johnson are going together? They never seemed to hit it off too well in the past” are examples of gossip. Most gossip is largely benign because it is virtually public knowledge. People do break up, lose their jobs, get in accidents, win prizes, and so forth. In these circumstances, there is nothing secret, and if the person were there, he or she would likely tell you about what happened.

This kind of small talk occurs during all phases of a relationship but is most common in the early phase because it is considered safe. You can gossip for a long time with another person without really saying anything about yourself or learning anything about the other person. Gossip may be a pleasant way to pass

Relationship Disintegration

Regardless of how much one party would like a relationship to remain stable or become more intense, there are times when a relationship is destined to dieresis

grate. We may discover that we just do not have enough in common to make a go of it. Sometimes when a relationship ends, we are sad-at other times, it is a relief. Regardless of our feelings, it is helpful to end a relationship in an inter personally competent manner. Even the effects of a wrenching breakup can be somewhat improved with the conscious effort to use good interpersonal com I communication skills.

Unfortunately, when people decide to end a relationship, they sometimes purposely use strategies that are hurtful. Even when relationships have fallen apart, people ‘should still try to use the constructive skills of describing feelings, owning feelings, and disclosing to make parting as amicable as possible